Firstly let me reinforce the importance of International Women’s Day. It really should be, and is a time to reflect and acknowledge all that women have accomplished, and there is so much to be acknowledged and celebrated. So many heroes and forgers and to be honest, I feel like I am one of these women. Not that I have done anything in particular for women but for having the courage to stand up to my nemesis — my Dad at age eleven. For drawing a line in the sand and screaming with my whole heart “NO”. Then for the years of dedication to healing my self worth and for now, finally being proud of who I am and being able to love myself, as I am. Not completely, but enough to have peace in my heart and to know who I am and what I stand for, to feel truly worthwhile. My inner war is over…exhale.
Other than having my two boys, my self love is my greatest achievement, it really is, and I am proud of myself.
I fucking love women, if you know me you will know that for certain. I find them truly exceptional. Smart and powerful, loving and tender, soft and gentle, magical and sensual. Simply put — magnificent.
It’s an exciting time to be a woman, we are not stepping down ever again and with all certainty we will get the job done. I know we will, we’ve got this.
But there is something that bothers me about the world of women and it undermines the very thing we are trying to overcome. It’s the relationship we have with ourselves.
I sit here thinking about all the magnificent, beautiful, successful women I know and love deeply and there’s not one who is comfortable in her own skin. So many are crippled with self-loathing, tortured by body image insanity, stifled with self-doubt, resentful, needy, over giving, over responsible, hustling to be everything for everyone. They/we are exhausted, frightened, burdened by responsibility and often resentful.
Where did we get it so wrong? Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we not see the madness?
We don’t need to get fitter, skinnier, prettier, more organised and more in control.
We need to exhale, let go, stop trying so hard to get admired and loved by everyone else.
We need laugh more, lighten up, have more fun, be silly, play with our kids, sing out loud, dance, cry openly and freely and orgasm way more. We need to love without fear, and give no fucks about getting hurt. We will heal, we are resilient, we are women.
We need to let go of our obsession to be loved and be completed by another. We spend the days beating ourselves up for everything we are not and then our nights obsessing about someone other than us — “Mr/Miss perfection” coming along to save us from our worthlessness, self loathing and loneliness. If only we had his/her love we would be complete, happy and whole. Or if we are in a relationship then our love is completely conditional, we need him/her to say this, be that or act this way to feel good about ourselves. We need to stop this madness and really understand the meaning of unconditional love.
You get what you’re a match to, if you want more love then be more loving to yourself. All change starts and ends with you, we need to stop putting what we want and how we want to feel in everyone else hands, expecting them to meet our needs so we don’t have to. Be love!
Unconditional love means you are able to feel good on the inside no matter what is happening on the outside. Your love and happiness is yours to cultivate and maintain, we can’t outsource this to anyone else.
We need to learn to fall in love with ourselves, just as we are, for free, for being born. Then we need to realise that until we truly love the company we keep we will be more like our enemy than our friend. Always working against ourselves when we get it wrong or doubt ourselves rather than rallying ourselves through the fear and doubt.
Comparison is the silent killer of all self esteem and in this futile world of hotter, prettier, skinnier, vanity and youth reign queen among women. It is an evil drug for women, stripping them of their birthright to love themselves just as they are and it’s an epidemic.
I want to call out to all women to lead the way, on right minded thinking, on age, body image and self-acceptance. We have to model self-acceptance for our daughters, for the next generation. When we deny ourselves worth in our teens using comparison, what sort of relationships do you think we attract? Then what do we tolerate in those relationships? We give away our power, lose our voice and then lose our way. We must realise that our relationship with ourselves and our body is the most powerful resource we have as a women and that it has the potential to destroy the sense of who we really are and corrupt our authenticity and that is the true crime of the modern woman.
To feel comfortable in your own skin is the work we need to do. We need to take responsibility for how we treat ourselves and how we think about ourselves. If you had your time again and if you knew then what you know now, would any of you really abuse your body and yourself the way you did or do? I wouldn’t. Oh the years I lost! So sad, so tragic, so alone.
Cultivating acceptance and self love is an inside job, outsourcing just doesn’t work. Which just means, love who you are, in your own skin, right now and stop fucking comparing yourself to everyone else. Stop needing to be that weight, have that guy/girl or whatever the “thing” is other than you to be happy. It just doesn’t work and even if it does it will be short lived because it wasn’t about your relationship with yourself, it had nothing to do with you, so it’s conditional, based on an outside condition.
We need to learn to feel fulfilled and complete in ourselves, accepting and forgiving. This is the true meaning of self love, allowing yourself to be where you are and being okay with it. Self love is a practice, it’s for life, it doesn’t have an end point, it’s a way of life.
Nardia — the woman champion, self love practitioner and teacher xxx